Cornell Finch

More Gut Spilling

This is a kind of follow-on and clarification on some of the things I said in my last post

Clarification

I mentioned that I was almost at the end of my tether:

She was voluntarily admitted to a mental health institute. I am damned sure it was more traumatic for my wife than I, however I still felt like a complete bastard. I said to the home treatment team workers that came to the house that I thought it was a good idea. I was almost at the end of my tether.

Tether was the wrong word. At the time (and I still believe this) there was not much that I could do for my wife. I could calm her down and stop her crying when she had a depression “attack”, but that was only the very immediate solution. There was very little that I could do to understand, and ultimately help my wife. She needed professional help, more than therapy once a week and drugs were providing. Going into hospital where she could get care and supervision when I wasn’t around was (and is) the best thing for her. Yes, I really did feel like a bastard. I shed tears that night, wondering if I had done the right thing. I know that we have done the right thing but you can’t help wondering these things immediately after the event.

Follow-on

I ended the last post making it sound as if things are all rosy and sweet when they’re not. We still have lots of shit to work out. Our debts, while not huge, are not insignificant either. All the time that my wife isn’t working she’s not being paid. That’s zero income as of the end of November. I am prepared to do ANYTHING to make sure that my wife and I are together always and if that means selling everything and moving to a bed-sit, then hell, that’s what we’ll do. I sure hope it doesn’t come to that. I think it will put yet more stress on my wife, which is the last thing I want to do. I have one car up for sale and I am seriously considering selling the Harley. It may well come to that. If I have to sell it, for gods’ sake, it’s only a bike. We can start again and get another one when things are more rosy.

I have completed forms for the Civil Service Benevolent Fund and will be contacting my Financial Advisor PDQ to see what he suggests. I am also going to speak to the Citizen’s Advice Bureau and see what advice they can offer.

After that? Keep taking the tablets! Hopefully the side-effects will wear off as I get used to the medication. I have a month’s worth of tablets and an appointment to see the GP again on 9 November. I am also seeing the local Carer Support Worker at 10.30 tomorrow. What she’s going to say I have no idea. I will, when I have time, post about how I get on.